Not At Home To Doubt

December by it’s virtue of hanging onto the end of the year forces us to reflect upon the time that slid from under our feet in 2013 and look back and judge how wisely we used that space altered dimension in our small corner of the universe.


Did you achieve anything you wanted to accomplish? Did you learn anything about yourself? Did you help a soul in distress on your journey? Don’t worry I’m not here playing some sort of morally lecturing festive ghost making you change your ways, but if you could, would you?

Big decisions are small seeds that shape our future if planted today. Luck, destiny, fate – none of it real – you make or break it yourself in the here and now by making those carefully made choices. I read recently the account of Brian Epstein meeting The Beatles and how he described them as ‘four eccentric lads with a take us or leave us attitude’. Maybe it was that personality trait of remaining true to oneself is what really made it happen for them. Perhaps it was only after the lovable Ringo joined that success followed. Or was it in fact the managerial skills of Mr Epstein himself? What magical ingredients can we extract for ourselves?

At last night’s school Nativity I had an epiphany about what it really means to be Home. I always thought it was the bricks and mortar that I pay a mortgage for to keep shelter so I can sleep and eat and have an address to receive bills and a lawn to avoid cutting in Summer. I sat there listening to the children sing Carols based on miracles that anyone with half an ounce of logic would find impossible to accept and then I questioned the fact that these children were being brainwashed by religion. The voice of the unbeliever had entered my head doubting the very core principles I held, something I rarely gave a moment’s notice to. Had a switch been flicked and had I finally awoken to this organized deceit? I then watched the children’s teacher, an openly gay young man, lighting the candles on each window sill of a Catholic church. Surely this man would be an outcast if I am to believe what the media tell me about the Roman Catholics, then it hit me – He was Home. Because home is a feeling we have when we surround ourselves with others that radiate the same understanding. It gives us peace that we are not alone and share in something very real and certain. Logic is knowing 2 and 2 will always equal 4, the same is true of faith. It is your heart confirming a very real truth that cannot be explained by logic. I would rather believe my heart then what I am told in the media. And if I am, at the very worst, teaching my children a story based on a lie – simply about a Man, who through love, died for me, then I can live with that deceit. Choose wisely when the doubt creeps into your thoughts – we sometimes need to question those moments too.

So don’t go changing on my account. I’ve remained true to myself, I think the above message is proof of that. I thank you for your support and friendship which has made me feel at Home here on Mixcloud surrounded by your like-mindedness in music and companionship. Whatever or wherever you place your faith this Christmas may I wish you the very best in health and happiness now and always and have the success you deserve in your labors this coming year. Stay safe these holidays – your friend Christian



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